


Losing faith

by Deandeanmoose



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Rape/Non-con Elements, Underage Sex, Worst cases
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-04-23 11:55:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14331954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deandeanmoose/pseuds/Deandeanmoose
Summary: Detective Barba struggles to make it through a case that is horrendous and makes her question her life's work.





	Losing faith

Some cases are bad, they cause you to lose sleep. Some cases strike a nerve or hits close to home, you struggle through them. Then some cases are so horrific that you lose fate in humanity the more it drags out. This was one of those cases, I just didn't know it yet. It was the case that put me on the edge.

I was in my fourth year of SVU, a detective alongside some of the greatest people of all time. I was about to go into my fifth year of marriage to the man of my dreams and we were finally talking about extending the family, I finally had Rafael Barba talked into being a dad when this case came along.

* * *

  _ **9 p.m. Tuesday, May 6th**_

* * *

 I was just about to head home, Liv walking out beside me as I tugged my fiery locks back and slipped on my jacket.

"Hey Liv, finally calling it quits?"

"Noah is asleep and I am about to join him if I look at one more case file." She put her glasses in her purse, "what about you?"

"I have a husband in his office I need to drag out by his ear." I smiled as we both chuckled, "or I sleep on his couch again. To use to the extra body in bed."

"Tell him I said you deserve a glass of wine and a late morning." Liv grinned, "it won't happen but tell him anyway."

We were about to press the button when a uni caught the door, "Lieutenant Benson?"

"Yes." She looked at the young man.

"I didn't know who else to give this to." He looked at a file in his hands, "Children services said they want SVU at a scene now. They are doing a wellness check and was being denied entry."

"How does that make it SVU?" I raised my brow as the kid handed her the file.

"They have a history of DV and child abuse...." The poor guy looked sick, "it's above my pay grade."

I leaned in to look at the file with Liv as she nodded, "Hey Z, do you want to drive or should I?"

I shrugged and got a glimpse of the photos. She shut it and handed it over as she looked at me, "I'll drive and you can call Barba and tell him he's home alone for once."

As the door shut and we got to the unmarked squad car, Liv saw me looking at the file and trying not to look in it. I never looked unless asked after a case went sour with Rafa at one point, she knew it and knew I was itching to see what we were walking into.

"You can look but, fair warning... You won't like it." She frowned and hit the lights to get us over there.

"Do I ever like a case we have?" I sighed and flipped it open before wishing I took her advice.

Child rape, Domestic violence, child abuse, animal abuse, and drug abuse. Those only were the ones charged before and the photos made my dinner rise up. I shut it and tossed it in the small space between our seats.

"Told you." She sighed, "you might want to make that call."

I did as she said, apologized for being even later than expected and promised to bring him up to date on the case In the morning. But that didn't save the twist in my stomach from nerves as we pulled up. Kids were always the worse, nothing made you feel sicker than seeing child abuse and neglect. I was trying to prepare for the best but there was no way to do so, no way to counteract what I saw on the other side of the door as o kicked it in and followed Liv in as the CS workers slowly followed. The house was abandoned, torn and ripped to shreds. Boards with nails sticking out everywhere, loose wires, soiled carpet that was molding and a vile smell of excrement. We looked over the whole house and was about to leave when I tripped over a plywood board on the floor and seen a cord.

"Hey Liv," I called and waved her over as I pulled the cord and pushed the board back to find a trap door slowly opening.

"Ok, I'm calling for back up." She stood up and grabbed her walkie, "wait till my word."

I stayed crouched down, waiting as she called the location and asked for backup. She put it back on her vest as I tugged my bulletproof vest down a little. A nod later and I jumped down instead of using the ladder. Gun drawn and eyes wide as I found something I never imagined.

"Z!"

"Clear. But you need to see this lieu.... Workers too."

She came down next then the worker who was shocked, to say the least. There were about twenty-eight people shoved in a small dungeon-like basement with a few mattresses. About eleven adults, eight teens, and nine little kids including two babies. The man in question that the worker needed was missing, but the infant he had adopted was in a teens arms. I looked at Liv as I lowered my gun.

"Ok, what do we do now?"

"Call for buses. Ask them what happened... Call in the rest of the team." She grabbed the walkie and nodded, "start checking on them."

The worker was climbing back up the ladder and vomiting in the bushes outside I guess by the noise it made. I walked up a few steps and holstered my gun.

"Don't worry, I'm with the NYPD."

I received blank stares and a dozen people fidgeting nervously. I bit my lip and tried again.

"Soy un detective de la policía. Estoy aqui para ayudarte.(I am a Police detective. I am here to help you.)" I looked at a few less confused faces, "Hay alguien herido? (is anyone hurt?)"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Bien, estamos recibiendo atención médica para usted. Necesitamos asegurarnos de que todos estén físicamente bien. (Good, we are getting medical attention for you. We need to make sure you are all physically ok.)" I nodded and they nodded back except a girl in the back.

She was withdrawn and didn't respond to Spanish or English. I heard the sirens and then the unis came in and Liv and I were helping everyone up above ground and getting them into an ambulance. Once everyone was up, she looked at me and then out at the large group about to flood the ER.

"Everyone is meeting us at Mercy. They responded to Spanish so I put a call in for translators but it looks like you and I are running point." She looked at a lieutenant approaching to take over this part of the scene and block off the crime scene before finishing, "let me pass the scene off and we'll follow."

* * *

_**11 p.m. Tuesday, May 6th**_

* * *

I stood with Sonny and Amanda in the hallway of the hospital. It was such a large group we could interview them at the precinct and most of them were on fluids or something to help with dehydration. Several had infections and were trying to refuse medical care. It took a while to calm them down and work it out, but finally, as Fin walked up with Liv, we were about to start interviews.

"Ok, we have twenty-eight people in all. Nine young children and eight teens and eleven adults. We have a few translators for us and we need to move quickly." Liv started, "You have the photos of our suspect. Let's see if they can help us find him and get him behind bars."

We all nodded, "ok, everyone takes a room and go. Z, why don't you start with the kids."

I nodded and did as asked. I started with the kids, the youngsters in one room. They couldn't help, they didn't say much in fact. It seems they were scared of him, a few kept saying Connie but I wasn't getting much more. I had three names for nine kids, hoping they are somehow in the system so we could get names for all the kids. I moved on to help Sonny with the teens, no surprise I ended up staring at the same girl from before. She didn't seem to register Spanish or English and I noticed her tapping her tray laying by the bed when she wanted help... Sadly the nurse hadn't caught it yet. **_Could it be?_**

I walked up and raised my hands as I thought back to high school and my learning of sign language, _(What do you need?)_

She stopped, watching me closely before moving her hands quickly. I had to take a moment but I think got most of what she said.

_(Where is Salvador?)_

_(Who is Salvador?)_

She looked pensive, way to hesitant to answer but Finally caved, _(My son. The one I was holding.)_

I stopped and felt my stomach turn, **_Did she say son? Her son. She can't be more than sixteen._** She asked again and I finally answered.

_(He is ok. Sleeping soundly in the other room.)_

She sighed in relief, a smile coming to my face as a nurse came over to speak to me. She looked at me, pulling me aside for an update.

"Everyone seems ok minus a little dehydration. Everyone is on the uprise but, we do have one other thing." She motioned to the girl I was just talking to, "she has a small fracture on her upper chest but luckily it didn't affect her pregnancy."

"Pregnancy?"

"About five months."

I shook my head, "the newborn in the other room...."

"About six months. She's practically a baby making machine." She sighed, "she has been very hesitant about letting us care for her. We were going to move her over to the room with the kids and see if she responds better."

"Put her near her son and she'll be fine." I nod, "ok, thank you."

I turned back towards the girl and asked a few more questions.

_(how old are you?)_

She flashed fourteen fingers.

_(what's your name?)_

_(Connie)_ she signed back.

_(You're pregnant with your second child?)_

She nodded yes and I sighed, _(Do you know who the dad is?")_

She nodded.

_(who?)_

_(The man in that photo. Santana.)_

_(Did anyone see it?)_

_(Everyone.)_ She looked at me hesitantly, like she was some kinda prostitute and I was judging her.

_(I'm sorry. I will do everything I can to help you.)_ I bit my lip before handing her my card, _(call me anytime. I am here to help you.)_

_(Thank you Zelda.)_ She smiled.

_(rest and get better Connie.)_

I shook her hand before thanking her and leaving to find the rest of the group in the hallway. Sonny had slipped out why I was talking to Connie, so I was stepping out to the whole squad as I came out. No surprise Rafael was standing there too, talking to Liv. As the eyes shifted to me I shook my head.

"No one is talking. The dudes a ghost." I stopped at the edge of the group.

"Ok, so we have a bunch of charges and no one to charge." Rafa gave a small annoyed grin, "great."

"It gets worse." I whispered as everyone looked at me, "One of the teen girls, she's pregnant and says good ole daddy Harry we are asking about is the dad. Along with the youngest baby we found. She's fourteen."

"This can't be real." Amanda turned away shaking her head.

"She said he would come down and assault her while everyone was there." I closed my eyes just repeating it.

"So we have a man sexually assaulting a teenage girl in front of all those people, letting all the families live in a dungeon basement under a vacant house, and leaves them locked in to starve to death. This reads as a bad novel." Sonny looked over as he seen me turn away too.

"Ok, see where we are on housing. Tomorrow we start fresh and interview the girl again and see if we can find out where he went. I want him in jail." Liv sighed, "go home and get some sleep."

Everyone went their own way, a single hand finding my shoulder as I sat down with my head back and eyes closed. A soft squeeze, followed by a peck on the cheek and his sweet voice filling my ear and tickling the hair tucked behind it.

"You ok?"

"Yeah baby, just... Just trying to get my head back." I opened my eyes and gladly accepted the gentle kiss he was offering.

"I know it's hard to digest." He frowned, "let's go home and get some sleep. I promise to cuddle up with you and not leave the bed all night."

I gave a soft chuckle, his face lightening up, "there's my beautiful wife. Come on."

He pulled me up, walking me out and going home to sleep. He had an Uber waiting, letting me in first and tucking me under his arm as we drove home. He rested his nose against my head, breathing in the scent lingering on my hair.

"You know if I had to name my favorite thing about you physically... It would be your hair. Thick, full, beautiful red hair. Goes well with your blue eyes and pale white skin." He chuckled, "even funnier you dye part of your natural red hair a darker red."

"I was young and dumb.... Now it's habit." I sighed, "I don't feel like myself without the small bits of deep red."

"It's beautiful, pero todo se ve bien en ti.(but anything looks good on you.)" He kissed my cheek, "y te ves bien en nada también.(and you look good in nothing too.)"

"I love you. I love that you're trying to distract me but... I doubt I'm going to sleep tonight." I was being honest, he knew it.

"I figured, but you married me and I need you with me for some good sleep." He smiled as we pulled up to our building and got out.

I walked up to our place and stopped by the door, waiting for him because I realized I forgot my keys at the station. He chuckled and let us in, pulling me to the bed and forcing me to lay down and spoon with him... No sleep. All night I got maybe twenty minutes of sleep. I couldn't get anything and he was snoring softly as he breathed in my hair. It was a soothing feeling, his arms around me and his skin against mine. It wasn't sexual, just comforting. Yet when morning came we both went our separate ways and I arrived at the precinct feeling like shit.

* * *

**_8 A.M. Wednesday,_** ** _May 7th_**  

* * *

Red hair combed out but lose, skinny jeans in a darker shade of blue, black sneakers, a light gray and white striped shirt with a midnight blue structured cardigan jacket. I almost looked like a well put together detective, and most of it was the jacket Rafa insisted on getting me as an anniversary gift.

"Hey Z." Sonny called over, "You were the one that talked to the girl right?"

"Yeah, She's deaf. I know sign language." I shrugged, "why?"

"We have her here and she wanted you." He motioned to Liv's office, "lieu's orders."

I dropped my bag and stepped into her office so she could tell me to too. It's always better to hear it from her in case Dodds stops in. Here lately he has been riding this team and I didn't want to hear it today, I didn't have the time for it and Rafa probably doesn't want to hear it. I walk into the room, going slow and waving as a simple hello before sitting down with her on camera to record all our movements. Liv's only added instruction was to say what was being signed out loud.

I sat down and gave a small smile as I started in, _(Hello again. Do you need anything to drink?)_

_(No thank you.)_

She looked nervous, so I tried to make her feel more relaxed.

_(Connie, can you tell me what happened to you?)_

_(Santana raped me. He took in my mother and sisters and when he wouldn't let us leave because we were short on 'rent' he made me make it up.)_ She started to tear up.

_(You are safe here, he can't get you. I promise he'll never hurt you again.) I leaned in, (I just need you to tell me all the details you can.)_

She nodded and bit her lip before starting to sign again, _(He did this with all the girls. They were to 'service' him if they wanted to live. He would withhold food and water from us if we didn't. Some had actually died down there in that dungeon.)_

I see her shake her head and wipe her face. Tears were falling down, as she started to shake. _ **She is just a girl. No one deserves this treatment and here is a young girl on her second pregnancy.... From rape.**_ I reached over and squeezed her hand, it brought her back to the reason she was here. She pulled her hand away after a moment and nodded to keep going.

_(you said everyone watched?)_

_(Yes, he would climb into my bunk and force me to do whatever he wanted.)_

_(I know this is hard but, I need as much detail as you can give. I know this happened a lot but any details can help us when we find him.)_

She nodded, _(He would climb up my bed and pull the blankets off me. He said I was 'paying my debts' and called me his ''sweet mouth baby". He would force me to open my mouth and... Blow him. He made a game to see how long he could choke me before I passed out.)_

_(And no one stopped him?)_

_(No.)_

_(Why didn't you leave? Just escape with your family.)_

_(My mom is illegally here. Me and my sisters were Born here and we were afraid she would be deported.)_

I nodded, thanking her before stepping into the office to see how they thought. I shut the door and looked at everyone, clearing my throat.

"Ok, I want this bastard." I looked at Liv, "this man deserves the worse."

"Put him in prison, let the inmates fix that." Fin adds as Liv looked over.

"But we have to find him first. We still have nothing on him. No Joel Madden to be found."

I tipped my head, "Connie keeps referring to him as Santana. Bastante divertido ya que no parece tan 'santo'.(Pretty amusing seeing as he doesn't seem so 'holy.')"

"Carisi, run the nickname through the database and let's see if we can find anything. Rollins and fin, stop in at his know places and see if anyone has seen him. Z, you're coming with me to see the rest of the families. Maybe we can find out some more when we dropped her off at the safe house."

Liv gave the orders and everyone took off. I started walking with Liv as Connie came along. She would stay at the safe house and we would talk to the people since we knew Spanish. It was bothering me, listening to her talk about what happened hundreds of times even when she was pregnant and no one stopped her. Her mom let it happen, sisters never gave a peep, the other families didn't acknowledge it. **_Why didn't anyone try to help her? Twenty-eight people and they never thought to overthrow him. No one helped the pregnant teen that was raped upwards of twice a week._** I felt my jaw clench. We walked in and I went to the mom and sisters while Liv took a few others. We started with the normal stuff and then worked to the rape questions. That's when things got weird.

"Alguien más fue violado por el Sr. Madden?(Was anyone else raped by Mr. Madden?)" I asked.

"Violación? Sin violación(Rape? No rape.)" The mom shook her head.

"Su hija dijo que fue violada por Joel Madden.(Your daughter said she was raped by Joel Madden.)"

"Nadie fue violado. Ella lo pidió.(No one was raped. She asked for it.)" She waved her hand at me to go.

"Está bien si hablo con tus hijas?(Is it ok if I talk to your daughters?)" I asked and she walked away as the two girls stayed behind.

They had to be ten and eight, somewhere in that range. They were very shy, obviously wanting to help but not disobey their mommy.

"Hola. Soy Zelda Barba. Cuál es tu nombre?(Hello. I'm Zelda Barba. What's you're name?)"

The youngest one bit her lip, "Mia. Esta es Lola. (This is Lola.)"

"Mia and Lola, nombres encantadores. Como tu hermana (lovely names. Just like your sister.)" I smiled to make them feel comfortable, "Puedes contarme sobre lo que le pasó a tu hermana?(can you tell me about what happened to your sister?)"

"Ella le pidió que lo hiciera. Para protegernos(She asked him to. To protect us.)" Lola bit her lip and tucked in against Mia, "entonces él no nos perseguiría.(so he wouldn't go after us.)"

"Ella acordó asegurarse de que estamos a salvo. Si ella se ofrecía como voluntaria entonces él no iría en busca de ninguna de las otras chicas. (She agreed to make sure we are safe. If she volunteered then He wouldn't go after any of the other girls.)"

I closed my eyes, it made sense now. It also throws a wrench in the charges depending on how Rafa spins it. I sighed and looked at the girls.

"El bebé, Salvador. Él es el de Connie?(The baby, Salvador. He is Connie's?)"

They nodded yes.

"Y Santana es el padre?(And Santana is the father?)"

Another nod from the girls.

"Y su embarazo actual? (And her current pregnancy?)"

They nod and I sat back, "alguna vez se acostó con alguien más?(did he ever sleep with anyone else?)"

"No. No desde Jamal dejó(No. Not since Jamal left.)" Mia looked at Lola, "Fue entonces cuando Connie se hizo cargo.(that's when Connie took over.)"

"Jamal? Quien es Jamal? (Who is Jamal?)"

"Una chica que solía vivir con nosotros Se fue a ver a un médico y nunca regresó.(A girl that use to live with us. She left to see a doctor and never came back.)" Lola looked down, "entonces Connie se convirtió en su juguete. (then Connie became his toy.)"

"Puedes describir a Jamal por mí? Cualquier cosa que puedas darme(Can you describe Jamal for me? Anything you can give me.)"

They looked at each other and started naming everything off. I took a pen and some paper lying nearby and was sketching the girl as they described her. Dark hair and golden skin, hazel eyes, Ruby red lips, scar from her right collarbone to her shoulder from one of his rough nights with her. Bangs that stopped at her eyes, curly hair that went down to her lower back. A guess on the age put her at fifteen when she left, Connie pregnancy would put it back three years. I marked down anything else they could describe about her on the back and they added she was skin and bones when she left.

It was a good start, I caught Liv in the other room and handed her the sketch.

"What's this?"

"A lead." I sat beside her, "a girl named Jamal use to be the girl on the chopping block. She escaped and never came back and that's when Connie took her spot."

"So we need to find this Jamal."

"One other thing, Connie asked for it. If she offered herself it kept all the other girls safe." I sighed, "she didn't want it but consented so he didn't rape any of the other girls."

"We still have child rape if we find him, that's good enough." She sighed.

"But if she consented at all, the defense will have one hell of a case." I sighed, "I hate to say it."

"Then don't. Leave that to your husband." She gave a small smile, "let's go."

* * *

_**11:45 P.M. Wednesday, May 7th.** _

* * *

After eight hours of looking for this ghost, we were coming up empty. Seeing as most of them didn't want to talk to us do to legal status, I was sure Jamal wasn't legal either. This left one big missing detail, how did she escape? Why did he let her out to see a doctor? Things weren't adding up for me, the squad wasn't fairing any better. We haven't brought it to Rafa yet, but he knows all the details because I am obsessing over this case.

"Cariño, come to bed." He mumbled as his arms wrapped around me in his home office chair, "You're working too much."

"I'm not tired Rafa." I closed my eyes as his lips found my face from above.

"If I can't work like this, I know you can't." He spun me around to face him and hide the folder of evidence, "it's not healthy."

"I can't let this asshole get away with this." I met his eyes, "Raf, I just can't."

"Then we won't." He brushed the hair from my face, "but staying up and refusing to sleep won't get you any closer. La desprovisión del sueño no es el camino. Lo sé, he estado allí. (Sleep deprivation isn't the way. I know, I've been there.)"

"Raf, this man is a monster. He is the worse thing I have ever seen and those poor people will never be normal again. And Connie, she was raped into pregnancy twice and everyone says it's ok because she wanted it. Child or not, she wanted it so it's ok." I was almost in tears as he pulled me in.

"And we will get him, but you need sleep." He put his face right in my space so I would listen, "and if you want the best Attorney in all of Manhattan, he needs sleep too."

"I'm sure Jack McCoy is sleeping fine right now." I kept a straight face and Raf snapped.

"That's it." He pulled me quickly and knocked me over his shoulder to carry me kicking and grumbling with soft fake screams to our bed where he tossed me down, "you are going to sleep."

He laid down quickly and pulled me in, trapping me again in his arms and throwing blankets over us.

"My only weakness, cuddling under my blankets." I sighed as he kissed my neck softly.

"Just sleep."

I closed my eyes, and he kicked the AC on high so the blankets were woven around us and I was afraid to let an inch of skin out into the cold... He won the battle, I wouldn't dare let the cold touch me till I had to.

* * *

_**2 P.M. Friday, May 9th** _

* * *

It was a lucky break, a waitress recognized the sketch of the girl and pointed us to her. She ate breakfast there every morning, went to work in the thrift store next door, and took home scraps for her dinner. Carisi walked in first followed by me. Liv and Rollins were next door, checking into her employee record. Fin was watching from an unmarked car, looking for her to come over. I stopped by the counter, looking around as the waitress came over.

"Can I help ya hon?" She looked at Carisi.

"Yes, I was looking for this woman." He showed the sketch, "do you know her?'

"Yeah. She'll be here in ten minutes for her usual." She pulled her pad out, "coffee, eggs, and toast. One waffle with extra syrup and a small chocolate milk."

"A small chocolate milk?" Carisi frowned.

"No." I stopped him, "I figured out how she escaped."

He looked at me and then as if on cue, in she walked with a three-year-old boy. I looked at Carisi and he caught my conclusion.

"Excuse me, Jamal." I watched her flinch.

"Sorry, not my name." She went to push by and Carisi caught her.

"Please, we know what happened to you. We just want to talk."

"No thank you." She took her son's hand and tugged him out the door as I pleaded for her to stop.

"Ma'am." I was cut off as she turned on me in the not so busy street.

"If you know what he did to me, then you know why I don't want to talk." She glared, "He avanzado. (I have moved on.)"

"And the fifteen-year-old pregnant with her second child by the same man isn't worth your attention. She is going through what you went through only she didn't escape, he left her and twenty-seven other people locked away to die."

She stopped, picking up her son and holding him close, "I'm sorry, I can't help."

"Why?!" I called as Carisi tried to pull me back.

"Because he'll come back if I do." She was almost in tears, "he'll come back and kill me and my son."

The small scene drew Liv and Amanda out of next door, I stood there as even Carisi stepped back. I looked at her and took one step towards her.

"Then help us put him away so he never sees the light of day."

She squeezed her son close before reluctantly nodding and coming with us. We took them to the precinct, the little boy was in the interview room playing as mom watched from Liv's office. I walked in with Liv, pulling her attention and getting her to stay with us. She wouldn't sit down, she had to keep sight of her son, but she would talk.

"Miss, do you know Joel Madden?" Liv asked.

"You mean Santana? Yeah. He's Ashton's dad." She looked down for a second.

"What happened? How did you get out?"

"I was fifteen and had complications during the pregnancy. I was dilated but started to bleed and he took me to the hospital. I told a nurse I didn't feel safe around him and he ran." She looked at me, "after I had Ashton, he cornered me on the street and threatened to kill us both if we ever turned him in."

"Do you know where he is?" Liv watched her shake her head.

"Sorry, I keep it low key and keep ashyon close. I don't keep track of him and he doesn't come around." She rubbed her arm and I tipped my head.

**_She's hiding something. Fidgeting with her arm, dropping eye contact, a slight waver in her voice.... She isn't telling the whole truth._ ** I looked at her and leaned against the opposite window, "ok, now tell the truth."

Liv looked over with a small glare.

"I am." She closed her eyes.

"No. Part of it is a lie." I pushed off the window, "you're a horrible liar."

Liv was about to step in, but she was cut off by Jamal looking up, "I ran into him last night. I had to run out for milk and went to the Bodega two doors down. As I passed the bar I heard his voice and turned to see him gambling inside."

Liv gave a warning look but didn't address it, "are you sure it was him?"

"Yeah. Looked the same, smelled like cheap cigarettes and booze." She shivered, "the same draw in his voice. I dropped the milk and ran home."

"You said this was last night?" Liv double checked.

"Yes." She looked back to her son, "I didn't sleep and haven't let him out of my sight since. Protección primero(Protection first.)"

"Which bar was it?" I watched her fiddle again and came across to her slowly, "you give us a name. We find him. We take him to court. We put his ass behind bars for the rest of his life. I promise I will personally do everything possible to keep him locked up like the animal he is for what he did to you."

She locked eyes with me, "promise."

"Promise." I nodded.

She gave us a name and we let her in to sit with her son. Liv told Amanda to step out and give them privacy before shut her office door and trapping us in her office. I knew what she was about to say but I wasn't in the mood to hear it.

"Z..."

"Please don't Liv." I closed my eyes and rested my head against the glass, "I don't need to hear it."

"Again." She added.

"Raf told you."

"What doesn't he tell me?" She sits down at her desk, "it's true though. You know never to make promises, rule one working as a cop."

"I want this guy. Seeing those people, the condition they were in, leaving them for dead.... Raping Connie." I shook my head before turning to look at her, "I've been a cop all my life and I have never seen anything this bad."

"I know, but you're getting to close to this."

"But I can't step back now." I made eye contact, "Liv, I can't. I need to see this through."

"And I need to know my squad isn't distracted or sloppy. Overly dedicated to a case can do that." She pushed her hair back, "I've been there, dozens of times. I know it's hard but it's best to step back."

"I can't. Not on this one." I looked at Jamal and Ashton, "not this one. I bury the bastard and everything will be fine."

"And I hear it from your husband how you aren't sleeping and acting weird... No, I can't let it happen. I need you at your best and I already see the cracks starting."

"I am at my best when I am a hundred percent on a case. A hundred and thirty percent is even better."

"See? Z, it's too much. You can't live and breath this job. You have to be able to step back and get away from it sometimes."

"I know, that why I married Raf. He pulls me away when I need it."

"And he is pulling you away now. He is asking me to back him up."

"Please." I whispered, "please Liv."

"Z..."

"Please...." I stressed this plea, "you can't do this. I have to finish it out. I have to."

"I'm sorry. As of right now, you're off this case."

I dropped my head and ran my fingers through my hair, "Liv don't, please don't."

"I'm sorry. It's for the best."

"It's a mistake." I looked up with tears starting.

"Z..."

I turned and walked out, leaving her door wide open and grabbing my stuff before leaving. I was on the verge of breaking, I couldn't handle it ** _. I promised her. I promised Jamal she would be safe. I practically promised Connie and her sisters... This isn't just a case to me, I am invested. I need to see justice on this one. To cuff the bastard and watch him being shipped off to sing sing to become someone else's toy._** I was shaking with anger, head fuming and heart racing. I walked home, taking my time... Too bad my time was going by quickly due to my mood. I got home, shutting the door and throwing my stuff to the side. I wasn't tired even though I haven't slept, wasn't hungry though I barely ate.... I wasn't anything. I didn't want to do anything, so I got in the shower and let the hot water roll over me as I tried to clear my head.

It happened quickly, the door opened and his voice filled the room, "cariño, you ok?"

"No."

"I..."

"Save it. Liv didn't do this just because of you." I closed my eyes, "are you gonna join me?"

I heard a sigh, then clothing hitting the floor and the glass door slid open a little. I was looking towards the wall, water falling over me. His Body filled up a good portion of the shower, his arms slowly running down my shoulders and arms with kisses littering my back. My eyes opened as he took a step closer and whispered in my ear.

"It's for the best."

"Not for me." I sighed, "I promised them Rafa."

His hands stopped by my wrists, pushing them out in front of us against the tile wall till he ran his back up and around my torso, "I heard."

"Is this why you're doing this?"

His hands gripped and he kissed down my neck slowly as he pulled me back just enough the water was pounding his left hand holding my chest, "no, I just wanted to do this."

I let my head fall onto his shoulder, looking up at the ceiling as he slid my legs apart, "Rafa..."

"Who?" He hummed and shifted my leg a little further so he could lean me forward to hold the wall again.

"Raf..."

"Try again." He put his hands over mine, holding me still as his body slowly traced over mine.

"I'm not in the mood for this game." I close my eyes as he pulled in tighter, "please Rafa."

He let go and turned me around to see him, "you ok?"

"I wish people would stop asking that." I pinched the bridge of my nose, "I'm not ok."

He turned the water off, the shower wasn't going to help and he knew it. He opened the door and wrapped a towel around me, slowly drying me off as I just look at him. He raised a brow, obviously asking the silent question.

"Ok fine, this case got to me. Connie... Jamal.... It's horrible. I can't stand that it is real and I want to watch the guy fry but I'll settle for a prison jumpsuit and no parole."

"Z, you know you can't get close." He sighed and pulled me into a hug, "I like you better when you're you."

A half smile graced my face, he chuckled and moved me to our bed. He would insist on sleep and I would argue against but end up sleeping before him. We both knew the game, when our work came home with us we weren't the same. But this time felt different, I felt almost numb right now. This case went deeper for me, it was more than just rent free in my head.

"Z, please don't wade off into the dark." He kissed my cheek, "I like you whole."

I gave him a soft kiss and he returned it before he pulled me down to his chest, "love you Rafa."

"Love you too z."

* * *

_**7 a.m. Saturday, May 10th** _

* * *

As the sun peeked through the curtains, I stretched awake and felt two arms holding me down still. I rubbed my eyes as Raf came into view, still in bed with me.

"Raf? It's past your alarm." I cracked my back on one small twist.

"You need me more right now." He rubbed my back, "wife comes first."

I kissed him and slowly got up so he could, "thanks Raf."

He squeezed me for a second before jumping to get ready. I know he wanted to keep me happy and level-headed, especially since Liv asked me to step back. It was the curse of an SVU detective when you truly care about a case that you can't let go of.... You end up broken inside by the end. It happens to all of us, Raf just doesn't want me to break and become someone else.

He was dressed in my favorite suit, the deep and dark emerald green three-piece suit that was paired with his yellow tie and pocket square. Solid white undershirt and his hair perfectly done as he grabbed his briefcase and kissed me goodbye.

"See you at work, ok?"

"Yeah Raf. See ya soon."

He left and then I got ready. Walking into the closet to find he laid out an outfit for me, a very cute one too. Red pants, grey sneakers, grey tank top with a jean shirt and my favorite belt that holds my badge well. It didn't scream detective but I didn't look a teen either. I put it on and pulled my hair back, walking into the bullpen as Liv was heading out.

She sent everyone on, they had on the vests and I knew they had a good lead, "we just found Madden. Jamal laid out the bait and he's biting."

"Thanks Liv." I whispered as she handed me my vest, "wait what?"

"I need the extra hands, come on."

She wasn't leaving me completely out of the loop, just not putting me in the case. Stand back, watch from a distance, and don't jump in. ** _Play the good soldier for once, let them handle it if you are too involved._**

I grabbed my bulletproof vest and was heading for the door, "what's up?"

"We have a lead on Madden, I need all the people I can for the bust though." She sounded a little unsure, she had promised to leave me out of this to Rafa though, "we have to do this raid style. He's hiding out at a strip club and we can't have any accidents..... I need you to hang back. Your mainly a spotter so don't chase."

We arrived on scene and She motioned for the swat to go in first, we would follow in and grab Madden since we knew what he looked like. She had me behind her, and on her cue, we busted in and started our sweep as half-naked girls and pervy guys ran about. Through the chaos, I saw a spitting image of my sketch running for the back door.

"Madden heading out the back with a group. I repeat he's heading out the back." I radioed and was running that way with Liv running with me.

We chased after his shadow, the music still pumping and lights flashing trying to distract from the task at hand. I swung the corner with gun raised and came face to face with Madden. He was cornered, hands up as Carisi and Liv were trained on him to both my sides.

"Joel Madden put your hands up." Liv ordered and he raised them up higher so we could see them.

Carisi made the move to cuff and before we could say anything, Madden dropped for a weapon and I shot on instinct. Bullet hit his shoulder and Sonny had him pinned down and cuffed a minute later.

"Good shot z." He looked up and I nodded.

"Ok, move him now." Liv motioned for Carisi to go before looking at me, "z, I need paperwork for the shot done as soon as possible."

"Liv it was clean." I was stunned that she needs to address that.

"Yeah, but he wasn't armed and you are very involved. I see the claim now." She was walking me out the door, "I can hear your husband now."

I nodded, **_So much for hanging back._ **

* * *

**_10 p.m. Thursday, May 15th_ **

* * *

Liv sent me home early for the next few days, I wasn't surprised since Raf was in arrangement and Madden's lawyer was claiming assault for me. It was an unnecessary shot.... One that I fired for injury alone. Sadly, the judge listened and Liv wasn't wanting me near it till I had to testify. So I went home, I laid down on the couch and tried to focus on the TV. I wanted to stop thinking about it but, it felt good. That's what scared me, it felt good to hurt him.

I was lost in my head, only being pulled out when Raf came in and kissed my head, "hello beautiful, Que piensas hacer?(what are you up to?)"

"Trying to distract myself." I closed my eyes, "Es más fácil decirlo que hacerlo(easier said than done.)"

"So you shot madden," he sat down on the armrest and pulled my red hair off to the side, "how did it feel?"

"You don't want to hear the truth." I covered my face as he pulled my hands away.

"You liked it that much?"

"More like I almost took the kill shot." I sat up and turned to face him, "I wanted to kill him."

He looked down, "this stays between us, alright?"

I nodded and he pulled me into a hug, "I have to put you on the stand. I want to put you up at the beginning of it so I can sway the jury if they get rough."

"How bad is it Rafa?" I leaned in to be tighter, "how much did I screw up?"

"You didn't screw it up."

"Por favor, solo dime la verdad. (Please, just tell me the truth.)"

He shook his head, "you didn't screw it up. Don't say you did."

"Raf, I did. You aren't changing my mind." I pulled back, "I made your job harder."

"That's impossible to do." He shook his head, "you never cause me anything but happiness and when we are working.... We'll work is work so."

"Ok, great talk Rafa. I'm going to bed." I got up and he caught my arm.

"Z, we need to prep. I'll make a drink and grab a snack... We sit down and go through this."

"Sorry, I am sleeping." I walked back to the bed and he joined me after an hour.

* * *

_**10 a.m. Tuesday, May 20th** _

* * *

I sat outside the courtroom in an outfit Raf picked out for me. The past few days have been tough, Raf did get me to sit down to practice but he made me promise not to sit in the courtroom after I testify. Liv and he both were worried about it going wrong. I wasn't going to argue, he would put me on the stand and then I was banished to the squad room. I brushed the bangs from my face and made sure it was tamed since it was the pulled back. I looked over the clothes, smoothing out a small wrinkle on the shirt. Red shirt, black vest, leather jacket, jeans and black shoes. Clean but not too much as he put it. My hands fidgeting as I went up to the stand, hearing my name and feeling like it was my first time again.

I took the stand and Raf stood in front of me, "Detective, you were one of the first people on the scene... Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Can you explain how that came about?" He was leaning on the table directly across from me.

"I was getting ready to leave work along with my lieutenant when we got a call. Children services got a call a home and the father listed had past records with them. They didn't get an answer so they asked us to enter with them because he was to be treated as a threat." I explained to the jury.

"What did you find inside?"

"The house was practically abandoned. Complete shambles and a secret room under the floor." I paused as Raf picked up the remote and was flipping through photos of the scene after handing copies to the jury.

"Like seen here?"

"Yes."

"What was the condition of the room?"

"Horrendous. Twenty-eight people stuffed into that room full of bunk beds. A bucket in the corner that was pouring over with excrement. There was no source of light except a small bulb hanging in the middle of the room." Glancing at the photos brought back that moment, "it smelt worse then a sewer and everyone in the room was dehydrated and pale white."

"Was Mr. Madden anywhere to be found?" He took the photos back from the jury.

"No."

"Then why did you assume it was him?"

"They identified him as the one that was holding them captive. Even called him Santana as a joke because he makes himself out to be a saint."

"Detective, you interviewed most of the children correct?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell me what you found out?"

"Mr. Madden advertised himself as a hostel. He worked on word of mouth, and talked families with nothing into coming and locking them away. He used them a free labor when needed but after a few incidents, he locked them away. He would rape the girls, and has three children we know of from teen girls."

"Can you please explain that."

"Two teen girl have gotten pregnant by him." I looked over at him, "one was fifteen and the other was thirteen and fifteen. Both started intercourse with him around ten years old and unwillingly continued to save the others."

"Save the others?"

"If they didn't volunteer he would rape another girl there. The victims unwillingly agreed in the hopes he wouldn't go after their family or any of the other girls."

"What else did you find out?" Raf drew my attention back, he wanted me to stop looking at the monster sitting in the room.

"He had been stalking and harassing one of the girls that escaped with her son. Blackmailing her."

"You were also one of the detectives that captured Mr. Madden?"

"Correct."

"During this arrest, Mr. Madden was shot. Can you explain how this happened?"

"We had cornered and was approaching to cuff him when he dove for a weapon. Fearing for my partner's safety I shot his hand to keep him from injuring anyone."

"Thank you detective. Nothing more." Raf sat back down and unbuttoned his suit.

I watched him sit down, looking over the suit that he filled out so well. He chose the green one I loved, it really made his eyes pop. _ **I wish he would've worn that when we got married. I wouldn't have survived that night.**_ I slowly looked over as I heard my name and seen Buchanan approach.

"Detective Barba, you just testified that you shot my client in the hand when you arrested him."

"I did." I adjusted on the stand as he leaned on the edge.

"Why his hand? Is that a normal practice."

"No. We are trained to shot when we fear for our lives or for others, kill shots to stop the threat. He was reaching for a weapon that was an inch from his finger tips and my partner was beside him practically." I looked at him as he looked at the jury, "I deemed him in danger and fired for his hand to stop him."

"Why did you shoot his hand then?"

"I didn't want to kill him."

"But you were in fear for your partner's life, wouldn't you take the kill shot?"

The room was deathly quiet, not even a cough or the slightest movement being heard. I wanted to look at Raf but just knew how bad that would be... I was frozen on the stand, I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say why it was worse then if I would've killed him. ** _I want him to suffer. For being in that house a mere few minutes and finding all those people kept worse than animals. For every time he raped those teen girls and all the pain they went through in their pregnancies.... I wanted him to suffer, death would've been too nice._** I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I saw a shot that wouldn't kill him and wouldn't hurt any bystanders." I lied as my gut twisted.

"But the protocol for police is to fire only if they can't contain a situation and to shoot to kill for safety." Buchanan looked at the jury, walking over slowly as Raf was glaring slightly, "you have no evidence besides witness hearsay on my client, oh wait no. The other 'prisoners' as you described them said they weren't raped. They all say they asked for sex."

"They are young teens, technically children in the eyes of the law." I was slowly breaking my cool exterior, "they can not consent. It is rape based on age even if they did 'ask for it' as you say."

"Were they bruised or scarred? Did their rape kits show any evidence of rape?"

"The rapes happened to long ago to be able to do a rape kit."

"So again, you have no evidence." He shrugged before starting back to his table.

I opened my mouth and was trying to say more, "two girls..."

"No more." Buchanan sat down and I bit my lip hard to stop from screaming at the man.

Raf looked at the judge, "redirect, your honor?"

He nodded and Raf stood up, leaning on the table, "how old were these girls at the time of pregnancy?"

"Thirteen and fifteen."

"Are the children Mr. Madden's?"

"Yes."

Raf pulled the paternity test results, "and the mothers?"

"Ms. Constance Navarro and Ms. Jamal Robles." I paused, "they are indeed the mothers."

"Thank you." He sat down and the judge excused me.

I walked out to the hall and checked my phone before running to the squad room. It was a few hours later when I had Carisi walking in looking a little off. I raised a brow, watching him walk over and plop down across from my desk.

"Oh Sonny, you look so chipper." I chuckled at his glare, "seriously, what's up?"

"The courtroom is a mess. I don't have a good feeling about any of it." He leaned back, "and Barba isn't getting anywhere with Buchanan constantly shutting it down."

"Barba can handle himself, he will be fine."

"He's sinking z." He looked me in the eye.

"I guess it was bad I took his name then." I looked up, "I can't do anything about it. I'm off the case remember?"

"You're married to Barba, you can talk to him and get him level-headed." He shrugged, "god knows he's stressed and snapping at people trying to help."

"You mean like normal with you." I smirked.

"He snapped at Liv." His face was deadly serious.

"So they had a lovers spat. We have them a lot too." I tipped my head, "cause sometimes I just can't stand your face sonny."

"Z, seriously." He looked a little annoyed, "this isn't his normal thing. You should be worried because he is bound to make you a widow."

"Yes because talking to him would make it so much better." I rolled my eyes, "is the courtroom at break?"

"Not when I left. Liv sent me down here to help you along if you found anything."

"Good, so you can cover for me." I grabbed my jacket, "I'll catch him at break and see what I can do."

He watched me, not as hopeful as when he was pumping me up. He looked like u was walking into the Lion's den, strangely I felt the same as I ran to the courthouse and found the room. Before I could pull my phone to check the time, the doors opened and a recess was given. One hour for lunch and I stood by the door and gave a half smile to Raf and Liv as they were walking out. Unfortunately so was Connie who was just destroyed on the stand.

She spotted me and rushed over to give me a few choice words, _(You promised I would be ok. That THAT Monster would be in jail and unable to touch me or my kids.)_

_(Court is never easy...)_

_(You lied. You promised I would be safe and you are throwing me to the wolves.)_ She was in tears and being pulled away by Jamal, glaring at me.

**_They are right. I promised and god laughs. I can't even be in the courtroom.... Are they right? I betrayed them...._** Liv and Raf rushed over as I tried to bounce back from that moment of shame, but my heart wasn't in it.

"Hey cutie, tiene un submarino con tu nombre en él.(got a sub with your name on it.)" I lifted the bag and Liv walked away saying something about another case.

Raf watched for a moment, then turned back to me before nodding, "No hay charla en la corte(no court talk.)"

"De verdad crees que te sobornaría con carne de deli si quisiera detalles simples de tu caso? (You really think I would bribe you with deli meat if I want simple case details?)" I offered my arm as we moved outside to sit in the park across the way, "give me more credit than that, I own lingerie and know exactly how to work you that way."

"Then why did you do this?" He walked me over to a park bench, sitting with me as I gave him his half of the sub.

"I want you to not starve, no stroke.... Definitely not wanting to see you snap at everyone." I took a bite and he dipped his head.

"Who ratted?"

"I have my sources."

"Carisi need to keep his Italian mouth shut." He unwrapped it and was taking a bite as I looked over.

"Or what? You'll make him swim with the fishes." I smirked as he gave a small smile, "seriously Raf, I'm worried."

"I wouldn't actually kill him." He shrugged, "just daydream about it. I couldn't make it through a murder trial."

"Raf." I nudged him, "I love you."

"I love you too." He sighed, "this case is horrible."

"I told you before it got close to the courthouse." I leaned against his shoulder, "you were afraid I would get too involved and here you are having a heart attack from overworking it."

"I'm just trying to salvage it." He closed his eyes, "if everyone didn't say she asked for it and consented to save the other girls... If only I could put them on the stand."

"Why can't you?" I looked up at him.

"Most of them are illegal. To easy to find their word worthless." He took a bite, "no use putting more people up to get turned around."

"What about Connie's sisters?" I rewrapped my half.

"They aren't illegal?"

"No. And they gave us Jamal." I smirked, "they talked about the rape before Connie started protecting them."

"Why aren't they up on the stand then?"

"Mommy dearest wouldn't let them talk, she barely let them talk to me." I slowly got up and fixed my jacket.

"What are you doing?" He held my half of the sub too, "z?"

"To get your witnesses. Tell Liv I'm sorry." I took off at a brisk run as he sighed.

I could imagine him leaning back on the bench and contemplated whether to eat my half too. I knew he would, he didn't eat much yesterday and if he got stressed I doubt he would think to eat. Leaving the sub in his hand was a guarantee he would knock it out.

* * *

_**2 P.M. Tuesday, May 20th** _

* * *

 

I stopped at the front door of the halfway home the families were in. I had taken a breath before stepping in and finding one of the staff to help find Mrs. Navarro. She was in the library, sitting alone as I walked up and sat down across from her and her frown.

"Qué deseas?(What do you want?)"

"Para hablar con usted Sra. Navarro. Quiero que sus hijas hablen en el estrado para ayudar en el caso de su hija. (To speak with you Mrs. Navarro. I want your daughters to speak on the stand to help your daughter's case.)" I leaned forward, "ella necesita ayuda y tus hijas fueron las que nos llevaron a Jamal y Joel.(she needs help and your daughters were the ones that lead us to Jamal and Joel.)"

"Y que también mientan en el estrado?(And have them lie on the stand too?)" She waved me off.

I heard a shuffle and turned to see the girls, Mia and Lola peeking around the corner and slowly stepping in, "mamá, queremos ayudar a Connie. (mama, we want to help Connie.)"

"Tu hermana eligió mentir, no dejaré que vayas por el mismo camino que ella. Sexo antes del matrimonio y bebés con un hombre adulto ... Ella es una puta. (Your sister chose to lie, I will not let you go down the same road as her. Sex before marriage and babies with a grown man.... She is a whore.)" She glared, "serás mejor que ella(you will be better than her.)"

"Pero mamá ...(But mama....)" Lola tried and was shot down.

"No! Final! (No! Final!)" She snapped at the girls.

I looked at them as Mia shook her head and started signing to me, _(We want to help you in any way we can. We'll tell the world if you want us too.)_

I frowned, _**They are too young to be put on the stand without parental permission.** _ I closed my eyes and remembered the anger in Connie's eyes as she signed to me. Every word of hate, so I had to help. I had to fix this.... I promised them both.

"Sra. Navarro, su hija fue violada por el hombre que abusó de su familia. Él te encerró, la tiró dos veces, y se habría ido con tus otras hijas si ella no hubiera tomado el lugar.(Mrs. Navarro, Your daughter was raped by the man that abused your family. He locked you away, knocked her up twice, and would've moved on to your other daughters if she hadn't taken the spot.)" I looked at her, pleading, "Ella los estaba protegiendo. Proteger a todas las chicas de sufrir su destino. Le prometí que vería enloquecida tras las rejas y necesito que lo hagan.(She was protecting them. Protecting all the girls from suffering her fate. I promised her that she would see madden behind bars and I need them to do so.)"

She was pensive, the girls jumping in.

"Mamá, por favor ... Queremos ayudar a Connie y Salvador. (Mom, please.... We want to help Connie and Salvador.)" Mia stepped forward.

"Connie necesita nuestra ayuda, ella es la única razón por la que no tenemos un bebé en este momento.(Connie needs our help, she's the only reason we aren't toting around a baby right now.)"

The mom looked down but nodded. We all waited till she looked up and said it, she said yes. I grabbed the phone, calling Raf just before court started back up.

"Not the best time z..."

"I got Mia and Lola, their mom will let them testify." I smiled, "when do you want them councilor?"

"First thing tomorrow. But I want to prep them tonight." I could hear his smile in his voice, "you just saved this case mi querida esposa(my darling wife.)"

"Thank me tonight Raf." I hung up and turned towards them, "they will testify in the morning but, we need to prep you tonight. If you want to come with me I can take you to the courthouse and drop you off after prep. I can even pick you up in the morning."

They smiled as the mom nodded, "bueno ve chicas. (well go girls.)"

They ran out to my car as I looked at her, "thank you Mrs. Navarro, your daughter really needed this."

* * *

_**7 p.m. Tuesday, May 20th** _

* * *

I treated the girls to supper while Raf found us a courtroom. It was a little late but he squeezed us in for a short period of time. I sat on his table, he was stretched out in the foreman's jury box seat. His notepad on his lap, pen in hand, and eyes trained on them. He wanted them prepared so they didn't get hurt like their sister, he wanted them ready for anything Buchanan could throw at them. And right now, it was Mia looking at her shoes and mumbling. I saw Raf do his small head twist of frustration, the rare sight a combination of being tired, annoyed, and on the verge of snapping someone in half.

"Mia, you need to keep eye contact the best you can. No me refiero a chasquear, pero el jurado pensará que estás mintiendo si sigues mirando hacia abajo. (I don't mean to snap but the jury will think you're lying if you keep looking down.)" He tipped his head, "tienes hermosos ojos, deja que la habitación los vea.(you have beautiful eyes, let the room see them.)"

She smiled and straightened up, "ok Mr. Barba."

I glared at him, a short warning to be nice. _**The last thing I want is them to back out because you were being a jerk Rafa.**_ He sighed but moved on, being gentle as he went through. It was going good, but as eight hit and both girls were tired, I insisted on getting them home.

"I think it's time to get some sleep, all of us." I point at Raf, "up for a drive?"

Raf nods, "let me grab my jacket and we can go."

He packed up his things and slipped them away before running to the small room next door for his coat. Carmen took care of his office, so I got the girls moving as he grabbed his briefcase and followed us out. Once they were back at the house, I walked them to the door and gave them the time I would be back for them. Once they were inside and staff said they would make sure they're ready, I went back to the car and seen Raf waiting for me with a soft smile.

"They sound good?" He asked as I pulled away.

"They want to help Connie and Jamal, they aren't backing out."

"And the mom?"

"She won't say anything. The girls want this and she feels guilty about Connie getting pregnant." I looked over, "how do you think they'll do?"

"They are clearly nervous but, they tug the heart strings." He sighed, "I have evidence, maybe emotions will help sway the jury to our side."

"If not?"

"We still have false imprisonment."

"False imprisonment? That's all?"

"Still hard to prove they couldn't leave." He sighed, "right now it is false imprisonment, I have no evidence for more."

"How long does that get him?"

"It's an E felony the maximum possible prison sentence is four years."

"Four years? Raf, your coming right." I huffed, "what about kidnapping? Or better yet abduction."

"They weren't forcibly taken against there will." He shook his head as I was starting to get annoyed.

"You're kidding me."

"No cariño, lamentablemente no lo soy. (sadly I'm not.)" He looked over and took my hand that was resting on the small area between the seats, "I know it is frustrating..."

"Frustrating? No, this is bullshit." I squeezed his hand so he knew I didn't blame him because I didn't.

"Sometimes the law misses right on the way to fair." He looked out the window, "I know it's hard."

"But it's not your fault." I tugged his hand.

He lifted them up, intertwined and kissed her hand before letting it drop back down, "I know. I know.... I love you too so don't blame yourself."

"But I promised...."

"And not all promises can be kept."

I nodded, _**Yeah but I should've known better. Everyone said so.**_

* * *

**_10 A.m. Wednesday, May 21st_ **

* * *

I had just gotten the girls to the court, this time Liv walked with me into the courtroom. After the Hell Mary I pulled to save this case, she was willing to let me in on the case under supervision. Carisi was attached to my side, but I was in the courtroom watching as Raf call in the oldest first. _**Having Lola sitting with me in the gallery might help Mia feel more comfortable, maybe even Connie would sit by her**_. I watched as Raf stood up.

"The people call Lola Navarro to the stand."

The ten-year-old was escorted in, she took the stand and I saw Connie look pissed. I tried not to look, I knew this was the right thing.

"Ms. Navarro, may I call you Lola?" She nodded, "Lola, can you tell me about where you live?"

"I live in this big house with a bunch of families. The detectives called it a halfway home." She was staying strong on the stand.

"Where did you live before that?" Raf smiled a little, playing up the fact it was a child on the stand.

It seemed to work, the jury was smiling at how Lola seemed so easy on the stand. It drew everyone in, hopefully, it will help them convict the bastard.

"I don't know where it was. It was dark and stinky.... Really small too. There was just as many people only we were smashed together." She crinkled her nose, "and we had to be quiet."

"Why did you have to be quiet?"

That's when the mood shifted, Lola looked down before training her eyes on Raf, ** _Good girl, don't look down_**.

"Santana would get angry if we were loud."

"Santana?"

"Him." She pointed to Madden, "we called him Santana because we thought he was helping us till we got there and he locked us away."

"Can you tell me what happened after you moved in?"

"We ate less, couldn't play outside.... And Santana would come down and cuddle with a girl and when she left, with Connie."

"I know this might be hard but, can you tell me about when he comes to cuddle?"

"He climbs in the bed with Connie. He pulls the blanket over them and she doesn't look like she likes it. She always makes this noise, like a... " She groaned and huffed.

"Anything else?"

"He would make noises too and move around a lot. He would shake the bed and she would start to cry. When he left she curled up tight and just cried... Mami says it's his fault Connie has a baby and one on the way."

"Thank you Lola, one last question. Did Mr. Madden, Santana, ever cuddle with any of the other girls?" Raf was still lean sitting on the table, a straight face until she nodded.

_**Wait, what? She must mean Jamal**_. I watch with a small pang in my stomach. Raf nods a little confused but rolling with it.

"Who?"

"A girl named Jamal and he tried to cuddle with me... But he didn't call it cuddles." She blinked and looked back to her hands.

_**No, No, No... The bastard didn't. Por favor, Dios dime que no le pasó nada. (Please God tell me nothing happened to her.)** _ I was leaning forward, heart pounding. _**Not her, not her.**_

"Can you tell me about it?"

"He went to cuddle with Connie but she wasn't feeling good. It was while she was fat. She had threw up her bread in the corner and Santana didn't want to cuddle with her. So he climbed down to my bed where I laid with Mia and pulled the covers back." She wouldn't look up and I seen her tears start, "he said we were going to have sex, tried to push Mia out of the bed and was lifting up my dress when Connie cried out and he jumped up to her. He carried her out and when she came back the next day she had a big purple eye and told me he would never cuddle me. No bad cuddles."

I bit my lip, this wasn't part of this case. Attempted rape..... Buchanan stood and glared at Raf yelling objection and the judge moved this to his Chambers. I went up to Lola still on the stand and she tackled me for a hug.

"I'm sorry detective Barba, I sorry I no tell." She sniffled.

"No it's fine, it ok Lola." I tipped her head up, "it's good your telling it now. It's helping Connie and Jamal and everyone in the dark, dingy dungeon they put you in."

I was squeezing my eyes shut, begging for this to all be a dream. Lola never said anything about this. Mia never peeped... I was hoping this was a dream, that the past few weeks of this nightmare would all be a twisted dream in my head. But no such luck would come. I sat back down, the judge stepped back in with the lawyers, and the jury was called back in.

"Jury will disregard the previous statement. Mr. Barba, you have the floor."

"The prosecution is done with this witness." Raf stayed seated, glancing back to you as Buchanan stood up and started questions.

He was checking on me, a silent 'you ok?' I nod and he turned back, notepad ready for notes as he was ready to play guard dog. I made him promise to go full guard dog for those two girls, they were so little.

"Lola, where were you living before Mr. Madden took your family in?"

"I don't remember very well." She looked at Raf and was scared to glance that way, "we moved a lot and slept in a box a lot. I think under a bridge."

"Did Mr. Madden ever charge you rent?"

"No."

"Did he give you food?"

"Yes."

"Did he ever hurt you or anyone else there?"

"Not that I saw."

"Thank you." Buchanan sat down and Lola ran to sit by me and Carisi in the gallery.

"Prosecution calls Mia Navarro to the stand." Raf smooths his jacket out and buttons it as Mia came down the way to the stand.

She was already shaking and wiggling in her seat. She looked at Raf, starting to walk up to her, and then glanced at me and Lola. She nodded and looked at Raf as he leaned on the edge of the stand.

"Hi Mia, you look nervous."

She nodded and a few small chuckles came through.

"Don't be, I will go easy on you." He smiled, "can you tell me about where you live?"

"It's dark and cold." She frowned, "no room to move around and I share a bed with Lola."

A few more chuckles as Raf moved on, "that was the house Mr. Madden..." he nodded to him at the table, "...put you in."

"Yeah. It looked small and old then he put us in a small room under the floor." She wiggled a little.

"Can you tell me about when he visited?"

"He came in a few times a week. He cuddled with Connie a lot, but not like me and Lola would when it got cold." She frowned, "Connie called it bad cuddles."

"Did he ever cuddle with anyone else?"

"No."

"Did he ever hurt anyone?"

"One time, a baby was crying and he snapped and yelled before leaving the room. Then one of the families that had been there longer said he shook a baby and stomped him till he died because he cried too loud."

"Objection!" Buchanan yelled as poor Mia flinched.

The judge glared at him for the loud outburst, "the jury will disregard. Mr. Barba, control your witness."

"Sorry, your honor."

_**We need to verify him more. He didn't just hold these families hostage, he raped girls, murder babies.... We could add more charges.**_ I squeezed Lola's hand as she was shaking like her sister. She moved in close to me, seeking comfort as I tried to give it to her.

"Mia, can you tell me about how your sister reacted to Santana and the cuddling?"

"She would always cry, tangle herself in blankets... Rub them against her roughly."

"Thank you."

Raf slowly walked back to his seat, unbuttoning his jacket and sitting down, but was surprised when Buchanan didn't question her. The judge called a recess, the defense only witness to take the stand after. It was only thirty minutes, but Mia and Lola wanted to go home so Carisi and I were about to leave when Connie came out. She stopped and opened her arms, hugging them tight in the hallway as Liv and Carisi pushed the press back.

_(You two ok?)_

"yes Connie, detective Barba is watching us. She's gonna take us back to Mami." Mia smiled.

"I hate to break this moment but, can we move to the room over here." I bent down as Connie nodded, "just to get away from the press."

She nodded, I lead them to the room and gave them space. Connie was cautious of me, still not trusting me even though I know I wouldn't either. I dragged her sisters into the courtroom, even if they wanted it. But I think we made a difference, I would ask Raf the minute I saw him.

The door cracked open and Raf stepped in as Connie looked over, _(Mr. Barba, is everything ok?)_

He frowned and I nudged him, "is everything ok?"

"Oh, yes. Mia and Lola really made an emotional case and won the jury over. I have no doubt that we can put him away for a long time."

Connie smiled and squeezed the girls as they clapped, "we did good!"

I chuckled and tugged his arm, turning to face him head-on. I leaned in and dropped my voice low, I just needed to talk to my husband. Not the ADA, not the lawyer, not about this case.

"Hey Raf, I love you." I kissed his cheek, "thank you."

"Te quiero más hermosa(I love you more beautiful.)" He smiled, "thanks for saving the case. Hope to see you in the courtroom when the recess is over. An hour."

"An hour? I thought the judge said half."

"He changed to an hour and decided on an early lunch." He smiled, "I'll ride along to take them home and maybe some lunch on the way back?"

"Sounds good." I looked over, "whenever you're ready."

Mia nodded and kissed Connie's cheek as Lola squeezed her, "we'll go check on Salvador."

Connie waved and watched me and Raf walk them out. Raf lead us through a side exit, Liv and Carisi making sure the press didn't get near us so we can get the girls home safely. Once they were dropped off, I and Raf stopped by a coffee shop so he could get a cup and they could get a sandwich. He had a few minutes before we needed to drive back. So we sat in the car and relaxed, windows down in the beautiful weather as we talked.

"So Z, are you feeling better about this case now?"

"Are you?" I looked over, "we have attempted rape and a possible murder charge we missed."

"No one was talking. They don't want to be dragged into this case..." He sighed, "if we get him on the rapes and false imprisonment we can work up to the others. But we need evidence because I can't convict without evidence."

"I know, but we can't just ignore it. I don't understand how people can be so evil or how people can say nothing."

"Doesn't help to understand life, it does nothing but cause pain." He kissed my cheek, "just be the good in life. Be the change you want in the world."

"Cute Gandhi," I rolled my eyes, "let's get back to work."

We got back to court, he took his spot and I sat back in the gallery. My every thought was on why Buchanan would put Madden on the stand. It should sink his case, letting Raf corner him on the stand. I frown, it felt like a trap and I wanted to tell Rafa. **_But what do I say? I have a bad feeling about this.... He still has to do something. This can't be fixed, it's his right to take the stand if he wants to._ ** Unfortunately, I ran out of time as the judge came in and the jury sat down. We had no chance, no way out.

"The defense may call there witness." The judge looks over as Buchanan stood along with Mr. Madden.

"The defense calls Joel Madden to the stand."

Madden took his seat, getting comfortable and giving a small smile as he looked over towards Connie and Jamal. I wanted to shot him where he sat, defenseless just like the girls he raped. But that was something that would leave my head, at least I hope it didn't.

"Mr. Madden, may I call you Joel?"

"Please." He nodded.

"Joel, do you know why you're here today?" Buchanan moved to the side of the stand, staying beside him.

"I know what they say, but honestly I don't know why. I never touched those girls in any way they didn't ask for."

"Why were they in your home?"

"I took them in off the street. Gave them a bed to sleep in and food to eat." He shook his head, "I gave them clothes and bedding."

"Did you ever ask for money from them?"

"Never. They couldn't afford anything."

"How many families did you care for?"

"Dozens. I can't even come close to remembering." He chuckled, "I might not have a lot of money or space but I kept those families off the street. I protected them from the harsh world outside."

"Did you ever ask for anything in return?"

"Never." Madden sighed, "some of them offered me possessions that I would sell for more food or everyone in a while one might offer themselves. I was wrong in saying yes but I am only a man."

"Do you know how young they are?"

"No. They look older and after so many families have come through, I can't keep them straight. I'm lucky I remember names."

"Did you have sex with those girls?"

"Yes, I'm human just like everyone else in this room. I have primal urges and I couldn't refuse the offer. But to say I raped them is ridiculous."

"One last question, Joel did you ever hold anyone against their will?"

"Never. My home is free to leave at any time. Families come and go, save enough cash to get a start. Some even found jobs and gave money to me to help others. I felt like those kids were my own, I wanted to care for them.

And that was the moment my mind snapped and I was struggling to stay calm. Then I saw Rafael, my sweet loving husband had the look. The look he gave when he cornered me at chess, the look he had when he would spoil the book I was reading out of calculated revenge.... The look of brilliance, his clever brain giving him his win.

"Thank you Joel." Buchanan sat down and Raf stood up.

He buttoned his jacket, standing up and I could see the wheels turning in his head. I just don't know where it came from. He slowly moved forward, a fire in his eyes as he was going to lay the monster to rest.

"Mr. Madden, you had sex with these girls?"

"Yes but I didn't know they were so young. They don't look it."

"But Connie is on her second pregnancy, she would've been twelve at least when she got pregnant. Jamal had to be fifteen." He frowned, "and you were caring for them. You said you felt like a father to them."

"I did, but the truth is they are not my children. They came on to me and I fell victim to my primal desire." He shrugged.

"They both say they were ten when you first raped them."

"Objection." Buchanan called.

"Rephrase." Raf tipped his head, "they were a mere ten the first time this happened. How could you look at a ten-year-old and think they were over eighteen?"

"They didn't look like ten-year-olds. They dressed skimpy, talked filthily..." He shook his head.

"But they couldn't have looked that old? Nor does it matter, you had sex with underage girls." He stopped, "you also said they could leave whenever they wanted."

"They could. I never held them back."

"But they were in a room under the floor of your home. The door was weighed down. How could they leave?" Madden looked confused but never had a chance to reply as Raf kept going, "Furthermore, they were in a room that barely fits twenty comfortably, and it was under the house. No one lived in the actual house. Where is the care for them?"

"They were off the street."

"And locked away in a dingy dungeon basement." He looked at the jury, "you locked them away and say you're protecting them but none of them say so. They are scared of you and didn't want to talk to the police."

"Because what your detective's claim was false."

"Or they were right and they were scared of you." He pushed, "what food did you give them?"

"Three meals a day. Every day." He glared.

"According to several people we rescued from your home, it was mainly bread and water. They were fed worse than a prisoner."

"I gave them everything I had."

"And you had nothing to give. You locked them away and staved them." Raf bit back, "you raped little girls, starved families to the brink of death and want.to say you helped them?"

"I did help them." Madden snapped.

Buchanan jumped to his feet objecting to harassment, Raf turned away and sat down. His questioning was done, the judge left it and the jury was sitting through closing arguments. The jury then went to deliberations, Raf caught me in the hall and pulled me to the side.

"Hey cariño, Liv said they need you on a new case. You should go help. Te diré todo si deciden más temprano en lugar de más tarde(I'll tell you everything if they decide sooner rather then later.)" He leaned in, "ok?"

"Yeah, thanks amor." I kissed him then rushed off towards the steps only for Connie and Jamal to stop me.

"Wait, Mrs. Barba." Jamal called as Liv and Raf both turned to watch the scene, "We're sorry. We shouldn't have made a scene like that. You were just trying your best."

_(I'm sorry for my words. I realize now you were trying to help the best you could, I just thought you had given up.)_

"I know, and I did a little. I'm sorry for that." I looked around before finishing, "but he'll go away for a long time. He'll never touch a girl again thanks to your bravery."

They smiled and nodded before letting me walk out. I met Carisi at the possible victim's home for this new case and tried to hide my split mind. I wanted to be in court but Raf was right, I needed to get back to work. I tried to focus, covering the bases and Carisi covering on anything I missed.

* * *

_**8 P.M. Wednesday, May 21st** _

* * *

I sat at home, curled up on the couch reading one of Rafael's favorite books. I was only a few chapters in when the door opened and in came my handsome Cuban husband.

"Why hello handsome." I winked as he chuckled, stripping off a few layers till he sat beside me in his pants, partly buttoned shirt, loosened tie, and suspenders.

"He dies at the end." He smirked and nodded to the book.

"Kinda figured, it does include his death scene in the movie." I rolled my eyes, "why do you always do that anyway?"

"Do what?" He stretched his arms along the back of the couch.

"Try to ruin books for me."

He looked like he was thinking hard, then whispered, "because I want you to pay attention to me and not a stupid book."

I kissed his cheek as I tossed the book on the coffee table, "done."

He laughed, a good shake of his body with it as I tucked in under his arm. He took a moment to calm down, get his body back under control before kissing my hair.

"He got two counts of rape in the first. A dozen or so false imprisonment charges and the judge ruled for no chance of parole. He is serving two life sentences before touching the false imprisonment charges." He took my hand in his and rubbed his thumbed against mine, "we did.... And I mean we because you saved the case."

"I know I did." I shrugged, "you're welcome."

He smiled and twisted to push me under him against the couch, gently brushing my fiery locks back, "ahora no dejes que esto vaya a tu cabeza. Todavía uso los pantalones en esta casa. (now don't let this go to your head. I still wear the pants in this home.)"

"Only because I let you."

He laughed again and kissed me passionately, "well Mrs. Zelda Barba, I think we should go to bed."

"I would agree, but only if you carry me." I winked and he lifted me up.

Life was good again, even if the job was Still hard. I loved it, all of it... _**The good, the bad... Him.**_


End file.
